Today’s deck is the Lost Soul Tarot
I’m gonna be honest, I was mildly wary that it might be AI-generated. Many things indicate it isn’t but I hate the fact that I have to be paranoid about that.
I think the main thing is that the immediate combo of no illustrator credit (unnecessary if one assumes the person that makes the deck is the same one that sells it, I guess) and faceless characters arose the suspicion in me… that and the typo-ridden booklet, but ironiclaly, a couple of Amazon reviews gave me a weird reassurance that it was just a bunch of human error.
I sure hope I’m grossly wrong on my fears because the deck is so pretty, I especially love the gold trim that’s also holographic somehow.
Again, no diss towards the illustrator, it’s more a damning signs of the times we live in where I have to worry about that sort of possibility.
According to the cards, today’s vibe is one of “Go forth! And let your wisdom keep you emotionally balanced”.
Very welcome message, as you’ll soon see.
I woke up dead set in solving all the stuff that croppped up out of nowhere before sleeping. To the point that I had singing lesson today and I decided to cancel it because I couldn’t think of anything else but to solve things.
You might think this is good, normal even, the norm. But what you need to understand is that I have severe executive dysfunction, and while I can handle things with some accomodations, falling into that “problem solving mode” is a stress response, a coping mechanism where basically my brain pushes everything from bodily needs like hunger to PERSONALITY into a corner to make space for the tasks at hand. The result is that when I’m eventually done with the task I’m DRAINED.
And to think I spent YEARS in that state…
Executive Dysfunction is weird to explain because on one hand people can easily understand the idea that something just doesn’t fit their head, like seeing a big math problem and going “nah man, I can barely keep in mind addition with two digits”, but not completing tasks is seen as a sign of laziness, when in truth the brain just can’t have more than a certain amount of tasks before it feels like too much. Like that overwhelming feeling when the rules of a puzzle escape you, but it’s with three tasks and one of them is at 3PM.
All of this is to illustrate the fact that for my brain to get a bunch of urgent tasks done I need to dump the Fer partition elsewhere for a while and use the newly available space.
If you ever see me go “Ok… ok ok ok ok… ok…” know that Fer has rebooted in Safe Mode for the time being.
So the first task was to fill some online banking forms. While doing it I needed to use only full-width characters (long story short, kanji are “double-width” characters and there’s alphanumeric characters made to fit the same double space) and the thing about full-width numbers is that nobody uses them so as a result my Windows IME (the predictive text with options for Japanese) didn’t have full width numbers.
I could do 2⃣ and ② and ❷ and ⓶ and ₂ and even ² but not ２, for example. While there’s more formal options (it was pointed out to me F9 can convert characters), I decided to go to one of those websites that’s like “convert your text into ｗｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｉｄｅ text” websites to solve it.
So the day was off to a great start, as you can see.
I filled a bunch of forms, signed a bunch of contracts (that always sounds fancier than it actually is), and timed my going out time so that I went to send a fax (yes, a fax, at a conbini) I would have less time out while waiting for my psychiatrist appointment.
After trying to send the fax to the landline number instead of the fax number and trying again, I went to Nipponbashi for a bit. Bought some doll clothing and then decided to walk all the way back to Umeda.
I was still a couple of hours away so I got sushi and then went to Karaoke for a bit.
To prove a point, I decided to try singing without the microphone… and because I’d been awake for 12 hours, walked a couple KM, was on the aftermath of a stress reponse, and was singing casually with little regard for proper form, what I proved was how good the microphone of the phone was.
Here’s an encore of Makenai Ai ga Kitto Aru while holding the phone.
This is Byakuya True Light of DNAngel fame, which is more within my normal range.
And this is the Mazinkaiser song, which feels more natural to my SOUL. Also it’s kinda nuts how the phone was able to catch even me breathing in for the last bit.
I’m realizing posting these (if nothing else going through the videos to clip them) is helping me get over the natural aversion to one’s voice recorded, especially because I’m noticing a LOT of things I wanna bring up to my singing teacher. For example I’m noticing something off about the way I pronounce the sh sound, it’s very hard and often sounds like ch.
The more I dwell into singing the more I notice just how much music is a part of my life. It’s a very casual thing, I wouldn’t really call myself a musician, but if nothing else it does feel like I’m more in touch with music and my own musical side than the average person… if nothing else because I literally grew up surrounded by musicians and it stuck with me.
There wasn’t much else after getting my prescription. Though I did start a book called God’s Monsters about the different creatures in the bible. It’s great, but the book has a very “youth pastor making things sound hip” at times, but the book was made by someone that DOES run a course about monsters in the bible with kids, so that makes sense.