Today’s deck is the Starman Tarot.
This one is super fascinating, it’s not just “oh a David bowie-themed deck”, it’s actually designed by the dude that made art for David Bowie.
Today’s reading… so a couple of days ago I talked about some of my pets back in Venezuela and I was a bit emotional in general afterwards. Not like Breakdown sort of emotional but still moved so to speak.
Today’s reading reflects the striggle of wanting to explore those nascent sensations but needing to keep yourself in check. In this case it’s the idea that I don’t do much letting those specific emotions take over me because there’s no real way to get any catharsis or relief about it so I’m gonna end up more frustrated than anything afterwards.
It does feed into a general fear I have every day that all it takes is a single right hit at the right time to make me crumble completely, but I’ve learned to trust the emotional resilience I’ve built.
Man I slept one of the worst sleeeps I’ve slept in my life and believe you me I’ve had my fair share of awful sleeps in my 32 years in this planet.
I’ve mentioned in the past how stress messes up my ears, I also mentioned yesterday my left ear was itchy. Turns out it was itchy because a zit was making its way there.
Now, this is KINDA common, I’m not gonna say it’s normal, but it usually happens in my right ear so the skin there is more used to it and they go through the motions until bursting faster.
But my left ear is usually the least problematic one, so a zit there is gonna hurt real bad.
And it decided to flare up AFTER I went to bed. So I was laying in bed feeling like my head was going to explode from bein popped from the left ear canal and I was too tired to really do anything.
In fact, for extra taunting the first time the pain got so bad I woke up was at around 9AM so in theory I could’ve gotten up and gotten some painkiller from the pharmacy, but I was way too tired because not only was I half asleep but the pain didn’t even let me sleep properly.
By 4PM I got out of bed. Not rested, not fully in pain, but MAN.
Like, with full acknowledgement that recency bias is a thing, consider the fact that I’ve had a hair transplant, pneumonia, and kidney stones, and this was easily up there.
Aside from the recency bias, I guess they were also pains in different parts of the body. The hair transplant post-op had me with a REALLY tight headband for the first 24 hours but that’s a different kind of pain.
Anyway, after paying my office’s rent, I decided to hunt for Loxonin, only to keep finding cream Loxonin instead of pills. Loxinin is Loxoprofen, by the way.
I ended up buying some groceries and other things and decided to make one last try in a different pharmacy. THAT’S when I realized I wasn’t finding the Loxonin pills because those are sold on the pharmacy counter (as opposed to things like Ibuprofen which are just on the shelf).
So I learned something valuable from the experience! I don’t know if I should’ve suffered like I did to learn it though, but it sure as hell is knowledge that won’t leave me.
Speaking of suffering, the other day I finished this book on “why the bible exists” which was really interesting, both in the topic but also its approach.
Basically its thesis is that the reason the bible was made was to establish a shared identity that transcended regimes, the idea being that when you were a nation that got conquered, reconquered, assimilated, reassimilated, and so on so often, you’d need SOMETHING to make sure you know who you are and what your collective past is.
Following this train of thinking contextualizes things like how/why the mesopotamian creation story was taken for Genesis, and why there’s so many tales that kinda stretch your sense of interpretation with God sending pain and suffering everywhere: Because they’re meant to mythologize moments in a shared past. It even comments that precisely the fact that so many stories in it AREN’T tales of absolute victory is the reason why it was allowed to exist across the eras.
But the biggest thing that stuck out to me is that all this “dispelling” wasn’t set forth to make less of the devout that find meaning in them, but instead to put forth that perhaps all of the stuff mentioned IS the reason why it has resonated with people over literal milennia. Interesting stuff.
Yeah, I was thinking quite a bit about suffering for reasons you can hopefully surmise.
By the way, my throat is still killing me, but at least for now it’s the least of my problems.