Today’s deck is the Amber Moon Tarot.
This is a deck with really pretty portraits… the problem is that the symbolism is kinda non existent in general, honestly.
Today’s reading is actually befitting the general theme of today’s post of “celebrate what you accomplished despite everything else”
Like last year, I briefly wondered about how to tackled today’s post since there’s gonna be an overlap where I’m talking about what I did on the 30th while posting it on the 31st.
Luckily, the first thing I did today overlaps with the topic in question. I went out to buy some stationery because one of my goals for next year is to get in the habit of drawing.
As this blog can attest to, I’m a creature of habit, for better AND worse all I need is to get into the groove of something and it’ll feel wrong to NOT do it.
Speaking of the blog, I wanna try journaling physically again. I’ve made on and off attempts since at least 2019 but something always comes up that derails it… honestly last couple of times it’s been something happening that by recording it in writing makes the whole notebook feel cursed and I stop. However, as all the stress I’ve gone through this year can attest to, I like to think I’ve become more equipped to deal with that sort of thing.
On that note, it’s interesting that I wouldn’t call 2025 an awful year. Stressful most definitely but I’ve had worse. However I can’t help but wonder how much of that is the result of learning to cope with stress in past years.
Like, this year’s woes would’ve ended me in 2023 I think, the fact that I acted more annoyed than frayed is something I’ll pat myself on the back about.
I try my best to see the bright side of it all but the way half of my year got just… deleted in that eternal stress kinda haunts me. I distinctly remember the pressure I felt specifically as things flared back in August and how I could barely even eat, and the fact that the bank won’t compensate me for all the grief they caused me this year by what amounted near the end to their own incompetence is… daunting in general.
The other day I finally updated a topic on the company chat and my last message was in July, the last Forsaken Gaia chapter I made before the latest one was six months earlier.
When I look back in the coming years, there will be a huge gap with no doll photos from September to December and while I know for a fact I’ve done a lot (shocking amounts considering the stress) I’ll feel the gap.
And yet so much happened.
When the year started I mentioned my goal of getting a girlfriend. That didn’t happen, in fact I got a rejection on February… BUT that whole episode was just all the baggage I had about being in a relationship kinda blowing up. The aftermath of it was the admission that I WANT a significant other in my life and what shape I’d like it to take ideally.
I still feel lonely, I just don’t feel as desperate about the loneliness.
As is often the case while I said I wanted a girlfriend I got new Girl Friends instead which… not complaining at all. Especially because I feel like my bond with other friends grew stronger.
Through all the bullshit I felt the me worth nurturing come to the forefront more and more.
This blog is evidence enough but also today I finished my DLsite GOTY list and it strikes me how even there, comparing the first one I wrote two years ago with the one I just made you can tell I’m less defensive about just being myself and talking about what I like.
And yet this year I also became painfully aware of how hard it felt for me to be really self indulgent. In fact not only is it hard but there’s way too much baggage attached to the matter.
I’ll leave the goals for the start of the year, so what can I really say in the end about 2025?
That gentle waters don’t make expert sailors.