Today’s deck is the Cosmic Slumber Tarot.
It’s a very nice one, I like that it has a “day” and “night” cards to go with the theme.
Today’s reading… basically reflects the concerns you’ll see in today’s entry.
Yeah so… there’s just a whole gap in my memory between bar yesterday and coming back home. In fact the gap is so pronounced that one of the first things I did was message one of the staff members I followed and went “Sorry, my memory if a bit hazy, if I didn’t pay I’ll go pay tomorrow”, but she told me I paid and it was all good.
So next thing I did was assess damage and there was none. In fact things were as if I was sober.
The bolt and lock on the door were there, my glasses are where I always put them. There was even a friggin McDonald’s order on my desk and not only that but it was one with no cheese like I usually do. Not to mention I didn’t have any bruises and I’d expect with how much stuff I have on the floor that I would’ve tripped.
And yet I remember nothing.
At this point I’m trying to shut up that voice in my head nagging me that it was VERY irresponsible of me to do that by pointing out that we were FINE. I know how to measure myself with booze, I have a whole ritual where I slap my face and the moment I start feeling numb I Stop.
I was LONG before that point last thing I remember.
I went back to bed and just tried to sleep and think about it all with a clearer head.
The morning was an even bigger mystery because I had very little hangover. I’ve gotten way more shitfaced hanging out with V and E. So there’s a discrepancy between the actions, the consequences, and the aftermath.
When the bar opened I went there to ask if I did anything weird but the staff was different so I felt very silly… better silly by doing the effort, I guess.
I started working on a new post about Still In Love and while bringing up some screenshots I noticed that one of my phones was set in Google Translate to Spanish-to-Japanese which gave me the idea of checking the history and there was indeed a bunch of words I didn’t recognize.
I know for a fact I tried to make conversation while under anesthesia when I had my hair transplant, so I’m not surprised I tried to keep the chatter up while in autopilot.
First off word was “homeowner”. I’m assuming they asked me about rent and I brought that up.
Then a bunch of words that tell I was talking about my cats including “I miss them”.
Then “natural”, which I’m assuming is about my hair given that people sometimes wonder if I’ve had a perm.
Then “non-binary” and I can only hazard a guess given it comes right after the hair one. But I’m known to bring it up myself as a sort of prompt of “don’t worry, I’m one of the girls too, just running on different hardware”.
It then ocurred to me to check if I had a receipt from McDonald’s… which I did have, it was from 11:23PM, which means I probably left when the bar closed, which means my memory gap is even bigger than I thought.
So as of right now my current theory is that because I went out for drinks four days in a row, my body probably didn’t finish flushing one day’s worth of booze and I was already chugging whiskey again, leading to the sudden shutdown while I was still feeling fine.
I ended up just dissociating the rest of the day finishing the Still In Love post while trying to remember ANYTHING about last night.
