Today’s deck is the X’mas Elf Tarot Red Edition.
Pretty solid, it actually includes a “Mrs. Claus” card and a blank “note” card, like a letter to Santa.
I wonder if there’s a green edition where it has a Santa Claus card instead.
Today’s reading advises that any creative slump might come from isolating myself without realizing… I did feel in a slump with my writing assignment until I asked about so it’s a good reminder for all of that.
Said assignment is done by the way! Now I can move onto… paperwork… I guess…
My main plan today is that I want to take a really good Christmas pic with as many of my dolls as possible. For that goal I got myself a Christmas Tree and here’s a funny thing: I got the display unit, decorated and all, for 3140 yen. I was returning home with the dumbest grin in my face about it all.
I don’t know if I’ll have everything in time for the 25th, BUT it’s a photo that I’ll include in the photobook for 2024 so honestly the timeliness of it all is kinda secondary.
My mood today has been shockingly fine. While I wouldn’t outright say “I’m amazing, I’m having so much fun” because I’m on my own trying to relax with a bunch of overdue work, I’m not… bad. Which is not something that usually happens in Christmas Eve, even back in Venezuela.
If I had to break down what’s going on in my brain, there’s the usual romantic “wish I had someone to share this moment with” that hoenestly has been there since I was a teen and I’ve learned to not worry too much about. There’s the “wish I wasn’t all alone” part of me that’s in constant clash with the part that appreciates having my space, there’s the part of me that misses my family but is slightly relieved at not needing to deal with extended family…
I did get a little bit choked hearing a voice message from my dad, but even then it’s not like moments in the past where “I’m slightly sad” cascades suddenly into “I’m so miserable”.
And my problem is that I’m not used to feeling so emotionally balanced, so I needed to fight my brain going “shouldn’t we be sad? Do you want me to dig up an excuse to feel sad?”.
Sometimes I worry that I run away from my emotions, and then sometimes I remember that there’s a difference between “pushing away the sadness to escape it” and “fighting my own brain’s tendency to self-flagellate”.
Hence, not really holiday blues, just a holiday… purple, like a reddish purple that’s not magenta but not blue purple.