Today I used the Marvel Tarot Deck.
It brings me great pain to say… this one is not bad, it’s good even. The backs have symmetry, the size is comfortable, it has unique illustrations all around instead of just “here’s five swords, now here’s six swords”. It even includes things beyond just the MCU.
I mean I could be a bitch about the illustrations not being as evocative as they should, but the bar with licensed decks is actually kinda low.
Today’s reading advises that the key to push ahead with my goals is to embrace the curious and eager side of myself. The Reversed Temperance card might seem like a warning to not lose control, but here it reads more like “and that curiosity might require readjustment in the process”.
I’ve mentioned it before, but Reversed Temperance, to me, can mean that stage while balancing things where one side of the scale is low and THEN you start adding to the other side to balance things.
Woke up today from a dream about having a girlfriend. Shockingly, instead of drawing from its usual image of someone I liked as a teen, my brian conjured up something more specific… or as specific as a dream can be, and by specific I mean “tanned skin” basically.
The topic has come up a lot as of late, but there’s a detail I haven’t mentioned even back in my New Year’s goals post (mainly because I forgot): It’s on the forefront of my brain because I’m finally allowing myself to even THINK about it.
In the past due to a cocktail of a lack of self-worth, one too many bad experiences on the matter, and the ever-present stress, I didn’t allow myself to even consider the scenario in earnest. It was something open to other but not me.
That’s the irony of the whole thing, the fact that my brain decides to tackle the topic when I feel the most satisfied and content.
I mean, I say Irony, but that’s the ideal, really. It’s not flagellation in a lonely moment but consideration in a satisfied one. I’d be worried if I felt desperate.
Dreams aside, today’s the second “I really don’t wanna leave my bed” day in a row. That’s probably why the dream stuck with me instead of vanishing, because I was in that “brain fired up but body unmoving” sort of state. Not sleep paralysis, more like “thinking about waking up really hard”.
Part of it is also that everything’s so… quiet.
My place isn’t really noisy, not like my last place at least, but there’s an ever-present murmur of people moving around and such that just isn’t there.
Eventually I drag myself out of bed because I’m hungry and god Damn it’s foggy today. Seems like it rained while I was asleep, first rain of the year probably.
Not much novelty beyond this, aside from the fact that I was paying bills, and then after coming back from that I found ANOTHER ONE and it had to be paid before the 8th, so I headed back out to get that done.
HAving your power cut off is annoying, having your power cut off in winter is extra annoying, having it cut off because a bill slipped into a corner is SUPER annoying.
But you know what’s annoying on top of that? When it happens right as you have COVID.
That’s what happened to me in December 2023, the day right after I get a proper diagnosis and decide “alright let’s just rest this shit out”, I wake up with no power, needing to run all feverish and stuff around a dark apartment to find the bill in question and then run out to pay it.
Any chance to avoid that is very welcome, thank you.