Today’s deck is the Magic Witch Tarot.
I got it beause the box reminded me of Sailor Moon’s transformation. The deck doesn’t have anything particularly witchy though. Not to say that it’s bad, in fact, were it not for the backs and the minor arcana, I would be putting this one in rotation, I love me some minimalist designs.
Only thing where I love minimalism, I think.
Today’s reading is asking me to remember how much of my success has come from teamwork. Which it has, and I do, but there’s nothing wrong with a refresher every so often.
“I should do laundry”. Normal people think this when the weather’s nice, maybe when enought ime has elapsed.
I think about it when I run out of clean underwear.
There’s nothing I hate more than Dick Smell seeping through, so I tend to go through at least two pairs of boxers after shower if at all possible.
The sad thing is that in my routine I drop all my dirty clothes in the washing machine anyways (and the white clothes on a different basket) so all I have to do is put in a tidepod and press the button and yet somehow I kept forgetting.
I eventually did though, I also took the chance also to wash my trusty burgundy jacket. It was more like Wine Red, but you know, time and all that.
There’s this jacket I have my eyes on and I know I already bought a new one last month but it’s so good…………..
Writing the About page yesterday and pointing out my love for boobs made me feel a bit silly that I ever felt like admitting to that was a dirty secret. I mean I know the exact reason and trauma that caused it but that’s besides the point.
I’ve had at least two conversations with my family where they’ve pointed that fact out. In particular I remember the day where I had a long talk explaining to my dad what my whole Gender Stuff entailed and he said something to the effect of “I remember thinking ‘well he likes big tits so he’s not gay at least’”
HE WAS TALKING ABOUT WHEN I WAS A TEEN. IT WAS PLAIN OBVIOUS EVEN BACK THEN.
Sidenote, if you ever think that “coming out” exists in some sort of scale where there is more impact or less impact, know that my case, which can be summed up as “literally nothing changed from body perception to name or pronouns, I just found out how to explain something about myself” resulted in the sort of reaction where you’d swear I told them I wanted to transition bottom surgery and all.
Everything went fine with my family in the end. My parents (my mom especially) might be old school here and there but they’re also the kind that learns and adapts, if nothing else out of love.
Back to the point, it makes sense though. As you can tell I’m sincere to a fault (one of those “I wonder if my life would be easier if I wasn’t but it’s what people love about me” traits) in a way where I don’t really so much hide things as I just don’t make them evident.
…I just unlocked a random memory writing this. There was a newspaper in the city where I grew up that always had pics of topless women on the back for some reason. I remember as a kid I kept a few of them on a drawer that my mom threw away. TGhe newspapers, not the drawer.
Which means I had a porn stash even back at… Oh God I can’t even remember when that was, for all I know it was most likely before puberty honestly.
Like, I’m aware I’ve always been this way, but it’s dawning on me how long “always” entails here.
Which again, just makes any reservations I felt on the matter sillier. It’s obvious, it’s been like that for a while, and people still like me despite that, sometimes BECAUSE of that even.
Lots to chew on here.
My mood today was a bit weird, it wasn’t FOUL but I was definitely in an introspective sort of vibe. The brain knot of choice this time around is the paradox of companionship.
I don’t necessarily mean the desire to be loved vs the ordeal of being perceived, rather I mean the way that I had to push myself into a “don’t depend on anyone” mindset that I would most definitely criticize in anyone else.
It’s a defense mechanism, one that perhaps one day I’ll be able to let go of, but not today.
A particular memory that resurfaced with this topic was a couple of years ago hanging out with some friends that were vacationing in Kansai for a couple of days, one of them had a call with her husband and was clearly missing him despite being only a day or two apart, and I remember thinking “YEAH THAT’S NORMAL, IT’S NORMAL FOR PEOPLE TO GET EMOTIONAL WHEN THEY’RE AWAY FROM THOSE THEY LOVE, RIGHT? IT’S NORMAL TO WANT COMFORT AND HUMAN CONTACT, RIGHT?!”.
APPARENTLY NOT CONSIDERING THE BULLSHIT I HAD TO DEAL WITH BACK IN 2020.
If I ever sound like I’m repeating myself, I’m aware that I’m repeating myself, by the way. This is just a general tip: Let yourself repeat things that happened to you in your mind, that’s how your brain processes things at different stages. It’s normal to be worried that you’re stuck but ironically you can get stuck by NOT allowing yourself that luxury.
If you push emotions aside they’re not gone, they’re just piling up in a corner and will bury you the moment you lower your guard. I learned that the hard way.
When I got back, I played this game called BunnyBar Talk, despite the name it’s more of a short game of pressing the right button in sequence within a shockingly lenient time limit.
It get shaken up as they add more mechanics. First you press the button, then you gotta press the button three times, then you gotta keep the button pressed, then the button fades in and out.
Really fun and best of all short and simple.
Not much else of note today, I did do a tarot reading for N and tried out the Celtic Cross spread. Turns out it’s less complicated than it looks. Sure you might feel your brain leaking out of your head with 10 cards with 10 different meanings but it’s all shockingly easy to remember once you try it.
A center card for the main bottomline of the reading, a card on top of it to symbolize what’s getting in the way of it, one to the left indicating how you got there, one to the right indicating where things are heading (like how you read from left to right, past to future), one on the top indicating conscious thoughts, one in the bottom indicating subconscious thoughts (like top of the mind and then below the surface), and then a stair that goes internal influence, then external influence, then hopes AND fear, and then a summary or how to change things.
Aside from the four cards to the right, the rest of it is shockingly easy to remember via positional mnemonics, so it’s really more like 4 cards and then the left cluster.
By the way if you’re curious about the title, after remembering the existence of Epa, I asked my family if it was still around and it was! My sister also clarified that apparently the name was an acronym for “Electricidad, Plomería y Albañilería” (electricity, plumbing, and masonry).
So that’s neat.