Man, getting this domain to work properly has been an adventure of its own… but that’s not today’s tale.
Yesterday I decided to start a digital journal… no, not this one. A private one where the purpose is to let loose in a way I definitely don’t want people to see.
As I decided to do that though, I ended up writing a preface file into that folder, something along the lines of “Just in case anyone that isn’t me happens to read this: know that whatever I write isn’t the full sum of my thoughts.”
I couldn’t write the actual journal entry for that day because the fact that I feel so unsafe in opening up even to myself, to the point that even a journal that nobody will read needs that sort of preface left me thinking really hard about myself.
Here’s the funny part though.
Following the example of a friend (let’s call her L for future reference), I wanted to add daily tarot readings to my routine. I like tarot and divination becomes a lot more appealing when you realize that it’s effectively more meditation than actual fortune-telling.
I also like collecting Tarot decks and I was trying to find which one to use. While I like them all for their novelty and art (my favorite is this set of three decks that’s the Waite-Smith tarot but before the illustration, after the illustration, and from a different angle of the illustration), I was trying to find one that I felt compelled to use daily… and I’m too much of a contrarian to stay with the regular Waite-Smith one.
So I start browsing each deck to see how I feel about their illustrations and while sifting through one called Lunalapin (basically white rabbit-themed) a card fell from it.
Now, anyone that knows about Tarot knows that any card that decides to fall from the deck must be heeded, and the fact that I had spent almost an hour choosing decks and that hadn’t happened was already freaky enough.
Then I see the card that fell off: The Nine of Wands.
Tarot interpretation isn’t universal (that’s part of the whole point) but each card is meant to evoke a specific imagery (again, the whole point) and while the specifics might change, the general gist of the Nine of Wands is perseverance. You might be beaten up, you might be leaning on a stick from how spent you are… but you remain nonetheless.
Quick sidenote, as a teen I learned tarot with a deck of Tarot de Marseilles. Because that one is what my dad called a “Spanish deck of cards” (cups instead of hearts and so on), I learned tarot that had to be read without the imagery that the minor arcana usually has.
The method was basically about fusing the meaning of the arcana of that number plus the meaning of that suit of minor arcana. In this case we have nine which is The Hermit (wisdom, insight, truth) plus Wands (work, labor, efforts). I still supplement readings with that method to this day.
But back to the main topic, imagine going through that personal shock, spending the whole day trying to pinpoint why you feel so paranoid about opening up even in private to yourself and a sign LITERALLY falls onto your lap telling you “shit’s tough but you’re almost there, don’t give up”.
Needless to say I know which deck I’m sticking with as the main one.