Today’s deck is Luna’s Little Twin Stars Tarot.
I’m always surprised to learn all those mascots I see but pay no mind to are from Sanrio.
Today’s reading reflects frustration and a sense of stagnation which is fitting given that it wasn’t exactly a good day on the whole.
The day at least started semi-good noticing that they approved my Paypay digital card, so I immediately check if I can use it to send money to my family and I can’t.
I can associate the card with Paypal, and I was able to pay for some of my fanbox subscriptions with it, but no sending to another account for some reason.
Since my identity was already verified anyways I applied for their card. Let’s see if that solves my woes once and for all.
I go check my mailbox and I see JP Post’s letter of rejection for my card request with them. I have a suspicion why they rejected it (I think I tapped on the option for cash advances) but I’ve had so many papers rejected in the past because I’ve only had a one year visa (nevermind the precedent that I have assets and a company here and that I’ve renewed it without fail while never leaving the country) that these sorts of rejections sting in a very particular way.
A figure that arrived in the mail also arrived broken. It was a bootleg anime figure (one of those nude mods I bring up every so often) so I was aware of the risk, but still a bummer.
I have to pay the company taxes before the 10th so I head out to the post office and they tell me that sadly they only work with payments until 4PM.
It was 4:10PM.
While checking my phone I notice that my dentist called me and OH RIGHT I HAD A DENTIST APPOINTMENT IN THE MORNING, DIDN’T I?
When I got back, one of my banks asked me to register in some ID verification system they have so that the paperwork that took most of my year until now can be stramlined. I create an account, I put a phone number for 2FA…
“Your account has been blocked, please contact your representative or call xx-xxx-xxxx”.
At this point I’ve decided that the vibes are off and today is one of those days where I’m on the verge of screaming like in that one remix of the Highlander anime with Highlander by Lost Horizon.
This time around, I noticed that whenever I feel… distressed, stressed, and other kinds of ed, the pangs of lonely I tend to keep in check become stronger.
I suspect that’s a combination both of wanting some relief/solace from the situation, but also that the energy I usually put to keeping myself cheered up is spent by all the eds.
I haven’t brought them up in age and a half and I’m annoyed that the topic makes me break that streak, but I’ve noticed also that whenever that overload of eds comes to the surface, my mind tends to think a lot about the ex-friend I’ve brought up in the past (I’m sure if you put “ex-friend” in the search bar of the frontpage it’ll bring up examples).
Well, not them exactly, more like a weird construct of when they were nice to me and were there for me in a very hard spot in 2019. It’s most definitely not them, in fact, thinking about them this time around reminded me of one time they accused me of wanting to live vicariously through them by… checking up on them and showing an interest in what they were up to.
It’s a very weird situation where the same face comes to mind in both that reflexive search for comfort AND the emotional scars of being treated in a legitimately insane way by someone I considered a friend. I’m 5 years removed from it all so my guess is that I decided at some point the good done should be cherished nonetheless.
It then ocurred to me to put all of those positive feelings into some sort of personal OC. It wouldn’t be an OC based on a real person mind you, that would be unhinged. Rather, I just want that sentimental sediment to not be lost, give it a different face, honor the good memories while finally moving on from that person since it feels like nowadays those good memories are the only thing keeping me tied to them in some metaphorical way.
Two (2) revelations came from a dogshit day, so that makes sure it’s not a full loss on the whole.