Today’s deck is the Tarot of Sacred Kingdoms.
Recently the author of the Transparent Tarot I talked about a while ago pinged me on Blue Sky pointing out I had a false copy of the deck. I always suspected that a few of the decks I’ve gotten were less than legit but that was a good reminder. Case in point I looked up the name of this one and it came in a different box, also you know, it had an actual booklet instead of a QR code to a shady website where you can get the PDF.
Not ALL decks I’ve used are pirated(?) copies mind you but I can take a guess as to which ones are and will make note in the future.
I did add a second disclaimer on the homepage telling people to google the name of a deck if they like it so they can buy it directly from the author if possible.
Ironically this all came to mind because I looked up this deck to make sure it wasn’t AI generated. While yes, the flimsy box most definitely didn’t help that impression, it’s mostly that this sort of high contrast “in the shadows” type of illustration tends to be a tactic some AI illustrations use to mask the usual fails in generation.
Today’s reading speaks a lot about conflict and disconnection which… is fitting considering all the stuff I just said.
I had a nightmare.
I meet up with my dad and he has no hands, they’re just bony stumps. He also has no head, his head was elsewhere and I had to put his head on his neck to talk with him.
I hug him crying, he tries to reassure me, patting me with the bony stumps of his hands and his head falls off, I desperately put it back on, crying, wondering how long I can keep repeating this.
I woke up afraid and shaken. So shaken in fact that I ended up praying, praying to God that while it’s inevitable my parents will pass on, I want their end to be ways away and for it to be dignified.
I never pray, but this isn’t because I’m not religious or anything similar. I’m the kind of person that prefers actions to speak. Using money to look after others is the way I give thanks for having the money to begin with, that sort of thing. So praying is less of a low point and more of a “right, I want to make this explicit” sort of moment.
After I woke back up the fear and shakenness had vanished, but I still remembered the nightmare very vividly.
Dreams are fascinating because you might have a dream where you pet a bunch of puppies but your brain decides to also trigger the Scared Out Of Your Guts neurons so you’re petting dogs while scared for your life for no reason.
I woke up predictably kinda sore, though considering all the workout I had walking for forever and building furniture, I’m shocked I wasn’t MORE sore.
Another interesting thing is that my heels weren’t hurting but the bridge of my my right foot did. This is noteworthy because until now standing up too long or walking too much would lead to my heels hurting, but this time the pain was elsewhere, indicating I’ve been shifting my weight better on the whole.
Honestly, I should get into some stretching routine while I’m merely stiff instead of stiff AND older.
The low energy meant I didn’t do anything crazy, but I did sort a loooot of manga into the new bookshelf. I was actually shocked that the strategy of moving the finished manga to storage left me with the exact amount of bookshelf. In fact I might have more because apparently Kamen Rider Spirits Volume 42 is gonna be the last one and if so that frees up a lot more space suddenly. It’s releasing in October though.
This doesn’t include the Uma Musume manga, but I wanna have that on its own individual bookshelf.
Speaking of space, I moved all the Cool Rocks into the new shelf and I’m so giddy ath the result. I might add things to lift the ones at the bottom down the line though.
Aside from the soreness I took it easy today because well… I was very low energy on the whole. I did start thinking about next week. I’ve got a trip on Saturday so I gotta make sure I leave everything in order before then.
The day ended with a bit of a spook, a self-inflicted one though (so to speak).
I’m walking back from Family Mart and I see a minivan slowing down my way. It was white, marked with a bunch of corporate logos, and it was near the gates of a trainyard so while cars stopping near me triggers my fight or flight, I rationalized it and kept the reflex at bay.
Then the driver comes out. The feeling persists, I try to not think about it but start walking faster.
Then the driver starts walking in the same direction as me and OH BOY lemme tell you for the next few minutes my body was back in Venezuela. Headphones down, redoubling the speed I’m walking in, I even almost ALMOST put my phone down my boxers the reflexes were kicking in that badly.
If you’re wondering about that last one, a tactic to safeguard your phone if shady guys got into a bus or you were walking on a shady spot was to put your phone near your balls so that when they tapped your pockets looking for your phone they’d find nothing (and they’d have to grope your balls to find it). The tactic isn’t recommended for women because you don’t wanna give those dudes reasons to grope you.
I feel kinda bad because the dude was clearly doing something else and I made my suspicions evident with my body language. Hell, even though it was close by my house I even did the thing where I snake through other places to not give an idea of where I live just in case.
I get back home, drop the conbini stuff in the kitchen and sit down waiting for the adrenaline to wear off.
While I felt kinda silly at it all being triggered so nonchalantly even after living in this country for 7 years, I’d rather feel silly from having that burnt-in reflex over not having the reflex/instinct at all.