Today’s deck is The Knight-Waite Tarot Deck.
As the box and the pamphlet constantly point out, there’s no relation with Arthur Edward Waite. The deck is actually really neat because it has this specific aesthetic with the collages of photos. It also does the thing that another deck from a while back did and adds three variants of The Lovers.
Big complaint from me is that the gold lining in the edges peels off into gold glitter way too easy.
Today’s reading depicts a general vibe of… generosity. Something along the lines of “Being generous is as much about planning as it is about drive” or something like that.
Also it’s hilarious that today’s mat is official merch, as seen by the copyright note on the corner.
Today started with seeing two contrasting things side by side.
On one hand, our company’s Twitter account posts how we’re also in BlueSky now and of course a bunch of people pop out of nowhere demanding Nirvana, saying we owe them the game and a bunch of other things.
Then a few posts above, I see that うにあはと, an artist I really like, posted art (or anything really) for the first time since October 2022 (after saying COVID was hitting them harder than they thought) and the result was a visible outpouring of support, of “Welcome back” of “Glad to see you, love the new art” and whatnot.
Man, imagine posting something and people being more concerned with welcoming you back instead of demanding something they feel owed despite literally not having paid a single cent in advance for, to the point that they ignore the thing that you ARE going to release.
Imagine seeing people happy to see you instead of voices demanding WHERE’S THE CONTENT? JUSTIFY YOUR EXISTENCE BY PROVIDING THE MASSES WITH CONTENT!!
Except that it’s not even that because content IS being produced, it’s just not the one they’re complaining about, but would it even matter? Would they actually stop bitching if they content they want is released?
The answer is an obvious “no”, so the next logical step is to assume that their patronage is not one worth trying to mantain, right?
You know, I think I can be excused for feeling bitter and disillusioned when the expectation is that I have to put up with comments that personally hurt me (and I’ve been unnecessarily public on repeated ocassions how it hurts me) without being able to block or take measure against the ones making the comments because if you block them they DM someone in the staff going “hey why did you block me tho :(” or gloat that HAHAHA I WAS A PEST AND GOT KICKED OUT THAT MAKES ME AWESOME.
Happens in social media, happens on Discord, I was told that if I was going to block and such to do it on my own personal account so that’s exactly what I’ve done, leading me to feeling like… why would I use the more professional accounts, then? I don’t really get any upside for the downside of putting up with those people.
I don’t even feel like I’m supported in my wishes to moderate certain kinds of people out. Like I’M the problem for not wanting to put up with it and seeing it spread out as a result.
“But Fer, you can’t act like there’s no positive support.” Nobody’s saying there’s no positive support, my whole point is how unsupported I feel in trying to moderate the negative side of things.
In fact, to be honest it’s not like that approach to moderation is bad on principle, insofar as how to manage the public side of things. I’m even willing to admit that it’s more an extension of a soreness I feel with regards to other things and that quite a bit of it is just old emotional scars pulsating.
Maybe I’m just not professional, maybe I’m not a public person like that. If sticking to my own personal accounts is the way to create an environment where I feel safe and comfortable with the moderation and whatnot, I’ll stay in my corner.
Maybe I just like to bitch and moan.
Who knows?
That said, I’m glad Uniahato-sensei is back or at the very least still around. While them posting a new illustration IS nice, I’m just happy they’re still kicking. The world is dangerous and scary, and even if the only connection you made with someone is that they’ve made porn comics you like, that’s still a connection worth cherishing.
If I had to recommend one of their works, I’d go for ぱいびち, it’s one of those works that whenever I sort around all the doujinshi in my house always finds itself alongside other arguable All Time Greats.
If I had to explain why I like it without becoming the sort of guy that has things like “cunny lover” in their social media bio, the thing that makes it so good is that it seeks to appeal to a very specific set of fetishes, and it indulges without feeling unfocused.
Imagine that you really love strawberries and chocolate and get a parfait that gives you exactly that but in an orderly and nice presentation. No cream, no peach slices to “add variety”, all chocolate, all strawberries, but in different textures and presentations to not feel boring in the process.
The cream and peach slices aren’t a bad thing; hell, sometimes you just need to devolve into a beast and devour spoonfuls of chocolate and strawberry with your bare hands… but being able to get the same experience with less messiness and bestial urges ain’t bad.
I miss chocolate, my lactose allergy is now to the point where Pocky makes my tongue itchy because of what little milk is in the chocolate.
While I was thinking about all of that I was filling some papers and signing them. It involved PDFs and as anyone that has to finnagle with PDFs can attest, you feel like closing shop for the day afterwards.
Not that I need extra reasons to hate Adobe at this point, but y’know.
Afterwards I went to Japanese lessons. I keep arriving late because I keep thinking “well, it’s about half an hour and change to the Tully’s where I meet up” and I’m right… I just forget to account for the train ride every time for some reason.
The lesson went fine and as I’m going out and checking my phone L tells me how some guys broke into her house. The impact was alleviated by it being all after the fact, after the worst had passed but holy shit, you ever feel like running because your fight or flight reflex kicked in about something on the other side of the world?
She’s fine thankfully. I caught up with her on a quick call when I got back (I stopped for sushi on the way). After the call I actually took one of those weird naps I fall into either at this time of year or when I don’t take my ADHD meds.
The curious thing about those naps is that I always wake up agitated. It’s not like in a nightmare, it’s not like anxiety either. My theory is that there WAS a period that Stress Blur of… pre-2021 basically where said stress caused me to get out of bed in a hurry to work or just get out of bed really.
Anyway, the theory is that it kinda became a reflex after a while or something, that any sleep that’s not the usual 8 hours one is bound to wake me up like that.
Which would make sense because up until around last year I still woke up from the regular 8 hour sleep agitated and I had to make purposeful efforts into calming myself down and not jump out of bed to instead wake up proper staring at the cieling for two hours.
Then again, I have a propensity to sleepwalk when stressed, it’s probably some reaction my body has to cortisol.
By the way, the other day the blog got a visit that pinged back from Facebook. I assume it was someone sharing a link in a chat window or something, but that felt… ominous.