Today’s deck is the Food Fortunes Tarot.
Okay this one is definitely a pirate copy because it’s one thing to give you the QR code to a seedy Google Drive link, and another to have the QR code WHILE THE BOX SAYS THERE’S A BOOKLET.
Deck’s nice though. But maybe a bit too flavorful if you want a clean translation from regular decks to this. Like, take today’s reading, it actually has a good scale to show what I mean.
You can tell the Ace of Mains is the Ace of Swords because there’s only two aces grabbing a thing, and the Ace of Swords is a left hand.
Fried foods as The Devil is like “okay I see where you come from with that”, making it look like The World to sell the idea is fun.
A hot dog as The Lovers, though? Is it because you gotta choose what to put on it? Because of the toppings? Because something something wiener?
Anyway, today’s reading continues the pattern of the last few days of feeling stuck unable to do things even when it looks like a solution is nearby.
It’s exhausting, I don’t even disagree.
So I want you to imagine you’re in a room where there’s a buzz, not an insect’s buzz, more like a machine’s droning buzz; also not like the usual buzz of the fridge and the like but the kind where it’s loud but in a very specific frequency, like an alarm system in a parking lot or something.
It’s not overpowering, if you keep yourself busy, if you have something playing in the background and such you don’t even notice it, but the moment you stop for a moment for anything it’s there and driving you mad.
Anyway, that’s kinda how I’ve been feeling lately.
I’ve been confused the last few days about why I have so little energy, why it’s not really like I don’t wanna go out but that going out feels like an effort.
Then I was talking with N about the bullshit I’ve had to deal with lately like all the bank nonsense and proceeded to go “oh” at the self-realization.
There’s so much of my brain occupied with wanting to solve the bank issue and thinking about all the bills and payments stuck because of it that there’s no mental bandwidth to do much else.
Thank God I’ve learned to cope with stress via doing chores or God know how I’d be right now.
In fact, thank God I had a lawyer handle my Visa paperwork or I’d be… I I’d be many things, none of them good.
I might need to skip my singing academy’s online recital because the deadline for that is in a couple of days and I don’t have the time for it.
In fact, I’ve been wondering if I should skip being by Tokyo for TGS this year but I feel like I need at least one win this month, at least one. If I manage to be there and hang out with the friends that I only see for industry events I’ll consider it a success.
And… yeah, most of the month has been a stress blur. Which is FINE insofar as the fact that I’ve dealt with worse, in fact compared to last year where other circumstances around this time had me in a very “I wanna cry” mood, this year has been more of an “I’m TIRED” feeling.
The scary thing is remembering how I spent like 7 years in such a blur to the point that I’m still untangling what’s a dream and what’s a stress blur.
But I like to highlight at least one oddity or fun thing from every day as much for your reading pleasure as for myself having something to look back to.
Like for example: The app the bank keeps telling me to register in that keeps failing proceeded to fail again today, but I actually screen-recorded the process which might prove helpful in untangling this mess.
I’ve been going through the book Shadows In The Vineyard and it’s a really good read, but also it’s so fucking French. There’s this section about a kid that had the cops called on him because he wouldn’t leave a building because he just HAD to read a girl he liked a poem he wrote, the cops arrive and he reads them his poem and the cops then tell him about their own romantic escapades while in custody. If it wasn’t biographical I’d say that shit is too hard of a stereotype.
Also when it gets historical they talk about Madame de Pompadour and how the fuck is the name Madame de Pompadour real, how the fuck are the French real man.
Oh also, remember a while ago when I mentioned I found it curious that a specific kind of metal rack was no longer being sold?
I was wrong, I’m just dumb and they were in a completely different section of the Home Center.
In my defense those purchases WERE from the Stress Blur Years so…