Today’s deck is the Elemental North Tarot.
It’s really interesting in how it reduces each card to key components of its imagery. This definitely makes it more of an advanced deck though, since the effect is only there when you’re already familiar with the cards.
Today’s reading is a very poignant reminder to basically let go in order to move on. That nothing new can spring forth as long as I cling to past wounds.
As the reading might imply, I’m still in Weird Brain mode today.
I’m not emotionally distressed and compared to yesterday I’m not mentally tired, but it still feels like my brain is a wet towel that I’m squeezing.
One interesting detail I’ve been picking at is how I tend to reflexively “rise to the occasion” when someone is down. Think that sort of thing when one sibling is crying and the other sibling tries to balance things by being the stronger or calmer one in that moment.
One interesting breakthrough in this front is that for a while I remember I was feeling like everyone I knew was in a situation that “forced me” (emphasis on those quotation marks) into that position with no space to vent myself.
However, revisiting the idea today, I realized that the main thing was… Uh…
So there’s a difference between “I hear your woes but I know you can handle that” and “I’m legitimately worried you might collapse”.
Which made me realize that, befitting today’s reading, there’s a difference between basically old wounds that pulsate but aren’t aggravated and wounds are still fresh.
If it sounds like I’m jumping around between a lot of points and skipping way too much between point a and point b, that’s just how my head is right now, actually.
It does give me pause for thought how unbalanced the dynamics can get in that sort of situation, though.
Outside of that I played a game called AV Kantoku Life but I lost my data AFTER FINISHING THE GAME because I loaded an old save rather than saving in said old save so I’ll talk about it wherever I go back to where I was.
I went to Japanese lesson and then I killed time before my psychiatrist appointment at a Karaoke. I didn’t actually practice anything though, I just needed to kill time and I was sleepy as hell so the noise all around kept me awake while still being in a place where I can chill for two hours no problem.
My room neighbor was practicing with what I assume to be a bass so the noise thing was definitely in full effect.
On a bit of a monkey paw situation the same noise keeping me awake prevented me from sitting down to keep up writing the brain outpour stuff.
I got my prescription and went back home. Honestly it all went smoothly.
I’m trying to think what to do on the weekend, but honestly, it’ll probably be practicing for the recital on Monday and more writing down all of the mental drizzle for therapy on Tuesday.