Today’s deck is the Cute Chibi Tarot.
It sure lives up to its name, just… ignore the scuffed box.
Today’s reading is actually directly reflecting what today’s post is about, so let’s get to it.
I woke up with everyone pinging me because they added Yuujiro Hanma to Tekken 8.
That was already a fun way to wake up, but then I see everyone’s reactions and it’s always a delight to see people discover Baki. Especially because everyone kept bringing up the panel where Yuujiro threatens to rape Musk and Trump and that is legitimately not even in the top 10 of worst things Yuujiro has done even if he did end up doing it.
It’s a very Heathcliff sort of thing, where an analysis of Wuthering Heights eventually gets to a point where it’s like “yeah, unearthing a corpse and hugging it is like… still not even top 20 of the worst things he’s done”.
I read Wuthering Heights in college during the very dark time when I had to do internship and I gotta wonder what damage it might’ve done to me.
By the way, if you like Jojo, definitely read Wuthering Heights, it will make all of part 1 feel… different.
My day was just routine with not much else to highlight, but there’s a thought that’s been through my mind all of today, and I’m gonna take you through the process as much just in case it helps as because it amused me.
So while doing menial stuff my brain went onto its corners and dusted off random memories, and amongst the usual “I almost died” moments I also remembered that one post that was like “I’ve never met a happy woman” / “That’s because they’ve all met you”.
Then something kinda clicked. I’ve mentioned plenty of times in the past that I have this complex of sorts when a shopkeeper or business staff is nice to me and I’m like “oh I’m sure they’re like that with everyone”, but are they? The thing I rememebred earlier had me like “do I beget niceness so much that I take it for granted that it’s The Normal?”
And at this point you might think, like the Second Fer inside my head pointed out to me while slapping me on the back of our collective head, that I speak about that like being nice is something bad, but that’s not quite the point.
There’s just a LOT of ✨trauma✨ involved, and I don’t just mean the one ex-friend I haven’t brought up in ages, if anything the damage done by that person hit as hard as it did because it kicked me on a proverbial rib that was already proverbially broken long ago.
It’s a more vague kind of trauma, but the general shape of it is one of being glad that hey! someone likes me! and then something happens where they turn a 180. Then there’s a different scar that’s shaped like people only being willing to chat with me because of work stuff and if there’s no work involved then I don’t have friends, basically.
So while it’s technically unrelated to any of the involved matters, I still have those specific mental snags that flare up whenever the mere idea of someone appreciating me come up.
While it was a slow day generally otherwise, one of the bank applications finally passed! There’s a non zero chance that part of my low energy today is relief from that.