Today’s deck is the Kawaii Animal Tarot Deck
Can’t say this one inspires too many strong feelings.
Today’s reading… is actually kinda related to the stuff that happened today.
So you remember me mentioning how I had a blast and then took a nap? I was not feeling well when I woke up and it wasn’t because of any hangover.
Now, when you have ADHD AND take meds for it, you become really attuned to the ebb and flow of the feel good chemicals in the brain which is where the upcoming insight comes from.
Here’s what I think happened.
Feeling good, slightly tipsy, go to bed feeling good and when I wake up that high has passed, but because it passed while I was asleep, all I feel is the extreme Lack of Feeling Good.
Now, lacking the feel good chemicals doesn’t mean feeling bad automatically, but that’s the reflex, so I pushed beyond the bits where I felt miserable and noticed I was feeling something I can only properly describe as “painful boredom”.
I’m used to boredom, you gotta when you lived in a country where regular blackouts are a thing for most of your life. Which is why feeling the very specific Extreme Boredom that’s borderline painful is Not Common at all. So I can only guess it was that gap of dopamine that caused the shock.
I’m trying to get back to bed and it’s the morning and my lawyer sends me a message requesting a bunch of papers he needs for my visa “urgently”.
By now between everything my meds had worn off so seeing that message made me wanna cry and throw a tantrum like a baby. I pushed through it all and in the end I only need to make one specific payment, which I’ll do tomorrow.
The one thing I can think of as I try to finally go back to sleep is basically “how the hell did I survive 27 years unmedicated”.